Loud and just possibly slightly inebriated thrift-shop customer*: I can't find anything as (expletive) good here as the (expletive) book I just finished, and I don't want anything (expletive) not as good as that, because that book was just the best (expletive) thing I ever read.
Aren't you curious to know just what the book was? But I guess we'll never know.
*Not the shop where we volunteer, another one. We stopped by because they were having a sale.